remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
