I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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