The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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