It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
