that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
