This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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