8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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