I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my being single is dangerous.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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