I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
