The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
