It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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