I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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