Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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