I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
