yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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