take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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