now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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