I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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