she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
