It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
