she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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