Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
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Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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