walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
