i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
