I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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