I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
