what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
