in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
