he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
