His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
