my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
