I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
