people are starting to question the shark bite story
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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