she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
