I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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