You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
it's like heaven, but drunker
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
