if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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