There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
