maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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