That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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