Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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