I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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