we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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