if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
