I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
