me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
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You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
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Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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