I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
