Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
