you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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