Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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