you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
