what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
