this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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