Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
