My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
