i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
