I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize