this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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